Maybe you’ve heard the joke that the thing that causes divorce is marriage, which while trite, does convey a sense of how prevalent divorce has become. While statistics differ slightly depending on where they come from, roughly 49% of marriages have ended in divorce. The rate of marriage also seems to be on the decline. But what about those couples that choose to work out their problems? This is where marriage counseling may come into play.
Married couples facing difficult times sometimes turn to marriage counseling. Often, one partner is reluctant to discuss personal issues with a perfect stranger. Interestingly, many couples enter into marriage counseling without understanding what it is and what to expect.
What is Marriage Counseling?
Simply put, it is a way of working through problems, with the help of an unbiased third party, the counselor or therapist. It is also referred to as couples therapy in some circles as it helps couples who are not married as well as those who have tied the knot in a formal ceremony.
It is a tool meant to foster better understanding and communication, and to resolve conflicts. While the period of therapy can sometimes last for months, marriage counseling is not meant to be a long-term measure. Typically though, the greater the extent of the problems, the more sessions the couple will undergo.
Choosing a Marriage Counselor
With your marriage at stake, obviously this is not a decision to be taken lightly. Your marriage counselor should ideally be trained and licensed in the field of mental health. Find out what the requirements are in your state for a marriage counselor to be certified to practice. In fact, many married couples also elect to go to a pastor or religious leader for counseling when facing problems within the marriage.
If you know a couple who has benefited from marriage counseling, ask them if they would recommend their therapist. Your doctor may also be willing to provide the name of a good therapist. Hospitals and clinics also usually have certified therapists on staff. Churches and other religious organizations have lists of competent professional marriage counselors to refer persons to.
One of the most important factors when choosing a marriage counselor is to find one that you trust and feel comfortable with. If either party distrusts or lack confidence in the counselor there will be conflict. In fact, such a situation may just make things worst.
What is Involved in Marriage Counseling?
Counseling sessions usually involve the couple and the therapist. The therapist attempts to find out the source of conflicts, and tries to help the couple to work out their issues in a rational manner. Often, the counselor will help them to focus on what made the couple get married in the first place. This can have the effect of demonstrating that through love and mutual understanding, their difficulties can be overcome.
While many married couples claim to know each other very well, marriage itself is a process of learning about your partner. The therapist will attempt to impart techniques to the couple that will help them deal with problems more openly, fostering better communication. It is a process of analysis, looking closely at the marriage itself, what the problems are, and how best to resolve them.
The job of a marriage counselor or therapist is not an easy one. They first have to gain the trust of the couple. It is not unusual for some couples to remain silent during the session, each expecting the other partner to go first. Therapists sometimes witness firsthand arguments between couples, and must attempt to calm things down before the process of communication can begin.
How Effective is Marriage Counseling?
In large part this depends on how much the couple is willing to commit to working with the counselor. However, while the goal of counseling is to save the marriage there will be cases where the marriage is irreparable.
Most research is positive on the question of the effectiveness of marriage counseling. A study by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) points to the fact that most families in crisis welcome therapy, and find the experience rewarding. The general consensus, however, is that couples that seek help early have the best chance of saving their marriage.
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