Few marriages survive these days, often ending in divorce. As our lives become more complicated we will find that the number of failed marriages significantly rises, and there are many things that we can blame for this fact.
Why Marriages Used to Last Forever
About sixty years ago, a failed marriage was virtually unheard of. When people married the majority married for life, and divorce was only a whispered word. If you were divorced back in those days, you were practically ostracized from polite society. This fact alone was why most marriages stayed together despite any problems that may have existed in the marriage.
Another reason why marriages were more successful back in those days was that there were fewer distractions. There was once a huge stigma placed on women who consorted with married men, and with women who cheated on their spouses. Today, we aren’t surprised or shocked by either situation. It’s become common place, where it was once almost unheard of.
Many people believe that marriages lasted longer back in those days because women had few choices and little control in life. They went from their father’s to their husband’s, and both men ruled over their lives. Today, women are well educated, and they simply do not have to depend so heavily on a father or husband to support them. That wasn’t the case sixty years ago or more. Because of this, women were more likely to stay in an unhappy relationship, even if it was abusive.
Why Marriages Fail Now
When a couple married sixty years ago, what they had was each other. There were no cell phones, laptops, blackberries or anything resembling these things. While television did exist, people didn’t tune into the television and tune everything else out. These factors – or distractions – actually do contribute to failed marriages today.
You must also consider the lack of morals that exist in the world today. Because the stigma on ‘other women’ or cheating wives barely exists anymore, there is very little in the way of a deterrent for cheating. Another reason marriages fail today is because it is so easy to end a marriage, from a legal and social standpoint. Too often, people will enter into a marriage with the assumption that if it doesn’t work out, they can always get a divorce.
10 Things You Can Do to Save Your Marriage
If you are married, or planning to marry, there are some things that you can do to save your marriage, despite the high divorce rate. These include:
1. Remember why you got married in the first place. Too often, we forget what drew us to the person that we married. We get busy. Problems crop up, and before you know it, you’ve forgotten why you married this person. But if you stop and remember, this alone may save your marriage.
2. Communicate with your spouse. We rely so much on email, cell phones, and other forms of communication that we seldom sit down and have uninterrupted face-to-face conversations that last for any length of time, or that have any real substance to them. Make an appointment with your spouse for effective, meaningful conversation.
3. Try marriage counseling. Sometimes, you need a third party to step in, hear both sides, and translate for each other. Marriage counseling exists because it works, if the couple really wants it to work.
4. Cut out the distractions. While you cannot function in this world and cut out all distractions all of the time, you can set aside times when there won’t be any distractions. Distractions include cell phones, video games, television, computers, and anything else that takes your attention away from each other. Go off the grid at least a couple of times a week, with your spouse.
5. Choose your friends wisely. People who have married couples as friends – with strong marriages – tend to stay married and have strong marriages as well. Even as adults our friends have a strong influence on our lives.
6. Be completely honest with yourself and your spouse. You must say what you think. Try to say it kindly, but being passive and hiding what you really think or feel will not save your marriage in the long run. Be honest!
7. Make a commitment to find solutions for the problems that exist. Every one has problems. Sometimes the problems are small, and sometimes they are really big and all consuming. Despite what the problems are, if you both make a verbal commitment to address and solve those problems, it can be done.
8. Realize that nobody is perfect – not even you. If you expect perfection from your spouse, you are both going to be sadly disappointed. Remember that nobody is perfect, and learn to love and accept your spouse’s imperfections as well as your own.
9. Find common ground. The more you have in common, the stronger your marriage will be. Find common friends, hobbies, interests, and more. Sometimes, you may need to try various things out to see if you have some common ground. Make sure that you communicate on this topic often.
10. Agree to disagree, and agree to agree. Sometimes, a disagreement has no solution, and sometimes, it doesn’t even need a solution. You can have a golden rule that can save your marriage – if you don’t both agree to what it is that one of you wants to do, don’t do anything at all. Sometimes agreeing to disagree is the solution.
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